Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I Can't Explain

In an email to a friend of mine earlier today, I said: "The more I think about Feist, the more I fucking hate her. So precious and twee. She's Canada's Belle and Sebastian." And I know that about 25% of my regular readers (by which I mean, of course, 1 of my 4 regular readers) are fans of Feist, so, uh... sorry, Brian!

The comment itself was pretty much apropos of nothing. We had chatted about her Juno wins (where I was more appalled by the fact that Arcade Fire lost Group of the Year to Blue Rodeo, because apparently it's 1988), and the fact that the ad for the Bell Lightbox at the Toronto Film Festival last year featured a snippet of Feist's song "I Feel It All". But it's the ubiquity of her "1234" in all those goddam iPod ads that pushed me over the edge.

So that got me thinking about other things I despise, either rationally (Michael Moore) or irrationally (Mariska Hargitay). So here's a partial list of Things I Despise Beyond All Reason.

- Mariska Hargitay. She's the gold standard for things that irrationally drive me nuts. It's all because I hated her character on ER. I even had to stop watching SVU, regardless of my undying love for Chris Meloni, when I remembered who Mariska Hargitay was.
- Denzel Washington. Because he SHOUTS. ALL. THE. TIME.
- Sean Penn. Because he doesn't know the meaning of the word "subtlety".
- Russell Crowe. He lost me sometime around Gladiator, but it wasn't until he started talking about Ron Howard's "honor" that he made my "shut the fuck up" list.

- Crash, American Beauty, A Beautiful Mind, because they won Oscars for their perceived yet mistaken importance, not their quality.
- Cars. The one flaw in Pixar's otherwise great library.
- Anything by Michael Moore, because he's a complete fraud who's more interested in self-promotion than in exposing truths.

- Belle and Sebastian, whom I had the displeasure of seeing live.
- Nickelback, because they suck.
- "Staring at the Sun", "Hey Jude", "Angie": songs I detest by bands that I love.

- Hillary Clinton. And it's possible to hate her without being a misogynist.


Anonymous said...

Wow. Then it must REALLY drive you nuts that Mariska is the highest paid actress on TV

mariska said...

Yes, yes I am. And I deserve every penny.